A MAN AMONG COWARDS

Is it only me who is bitter?

Or is it the world which leaves a taste so sour,

That the soul revolts with disgust.

When this quest shall end,So shall I.

On a desolate and forgotten island

Do my fate and fortune contrive against me.

"Thou shall outlive thy agony",

They shout with joy,And I watch, crucifixed, with open eyes

That see darkness and beg for mercy.

I have wings hidden beneath my values,

But are they too weak to take flight?

Burdened and mutated beyond recognition,

My wings are no more, no more am I.

And yet, I live and breathe and dream and expect to find my place under the sun.

Call it foolishness if you will,

But this is what I do,

I paint pictures which your eyes don't recognise.

Far far away from here,

Beyond the seven seas,

And beyond the land of dreams,

I had once set out to conquer my fate,

But my fate conquered me instead.

Acceptance has become a part of me,

And yet I struggle in my chains,

Trying to shake off these bondages,

Trying to fly free, to fly away.

I dare to stand and wage a war,

Mutilated as my heart maybe.

In a land so hollow

That the earth buckles under it's own weight,

I have taken a thousand careful steps,

But no more,From here I throw away my compass,

I shall go wherever I want to,

Beyond my need, beyond my pain, beyond my wish;

And at the end of the day,

When the sun is no more,

I shall be what I had set out to be,

A man among cowards.

Breathe out when you must

Eventually it will die down, as my breath will,

And fade away, perhaps leaving a scar or two,

To show for all the effort it took in deserving.

Pain is a reward, an anchor to a nightmarish, but sweet dream.
So does the memory grow weak as I wish it would,

Or does it still eat into my conscience,

Demanding the things I never could give,

Tearing apart the few good things I must have done.
For a man is only as strong as his thoughts are,

And my thoughts are strong, though I yearn to be weak;

I long for sleep, the soundness of a few hours

In which I would not be dragged, reviled, whipped by my own thoughts.
I travel on roads and hold hands in my sleep,

I talk and I smile not knowing that I dream,

I float back and forth and feel the gut wrenching scream

That I always held back and which now is dissolved within.
Looking back I see another world and another person,

Who though looks familiar is totally unknown to me,

Metamorphosis of the thought process is real,

And so is the agony that is a present from the past.

A TRIVIAL CONFESSION

I am not feeling so well right now,loads of stuff to do and so little time to do it in.I don't know whether being dedicated to work is killing the person within me.I missed the college fest today and I didn't even think about it.Being reponsible is one thing but I sure don't want to end up like a machine.I don't mind missing the fest because somehow I have never really belonged here,but hopefully when events close to my heart come up,I'll be there in person.