RUMmaging thoughts of a supposedly overworked brain.

This is what I ended up writing down after a drinking spree and so the thoughts enclosed herewith lack the usual courtesy of well practiced refinement.I thought it best to put it up unedited as I believe changing anything will destroy the entire feel of what I wrote.So here goes..........and yes,do pardon the slang used in the passage.Read on and maybe you'll know me a little better or maybe you'll end up thinking of me as strange as a stranger ought to be.Either of these will mean the same to me,but I hope you will let me know.

"

I am not in the condition to write anything,can
hardly see,can hardly hold this bloody pen between these fingers which had once held her hand,which had once felt the contours of her lips,which had once felt the
warmth,the warmth of everlasting love,if only I knew then that the word everlasting is not everlasting at all.
I had planned it this way,such that I'll loose my senses and end up writing crap,yes I wanted to write crap
in a unique self effacing way.So shall I say now that I'm free as
a bird but still bound by the laws of gravity. I know I'm not blind,not just physically but maybe in a very spiritual sense.I have not lost my mind completely,if so,it is only for a few hours where I shall not be weary to admit my weariness,a
few hours in which I won't be afraid to stand naked in front of
the whole world. My face will tell you a story and my mannerisms will tell you a completely different one.So what the heck,these words will go unnoticed,unheard through the
chronicles of our bastardy tales,which we so blatantly proclaim to be what we live for-our lives.

"

Good to be alone

It is a strange feeling being alone. Sitting here all by myself all I can do is let my thoughts run helter skelter in my head and I do not feel the urge to stop them. Im almost sure that Im almost forgotten by now, Im far far away from the hearts and minds of those who claim they care for me and all I feel is indifference. Right now it doesn't matter to me whether Im remembered or not.
I try to feel sad that Im alone but the attempt seems so out of place that it manages to draw a crooked smile from me, today I can laugh at sadness, I know I can love myself as well, and so in a way I have learned to be complete.
Its good to be able to live for myself.Im happy this way.

A letter to someone

It's been a long time since I spoke to you the last time,it was August 5th,2007 and today it's January 10th,2008.It's my birthday today and to tell you the truth I did not expect you to wish me although I wished you would,and you did.We've been through a lot,together and seperately, and I know all the pain I must have put you through.It's been a long time,friend,and life goes on.Pain goes away,numbness goes away,new things replace old ones,permanancy always replaces the temporary,and so,today our lives are separate and it is a decision I will always respect,if only there was a way for me to know that you are happy.I know Im crazy sometimes,I am wierd sometimes but everything that I did to you,all that was never meant to happen;but the fact is that those things did happen and now I can do nothing about them.I have known you well enough to know that you can take care of yourself and I do believe that one day you will make everyone around you very proud.I just wish that we could still be together,but don't worry.Im not going to drag you back to a place you don't belong,to a place you don't want to be in.It's just that hearing your voice after such a long time did things to me I cannot describe.If only I could ask for what I want for my birthday,but on second thought you already gave me the present I could only have dreamt of.You wished me.
I hope one day life will give me the chance to repay you for whatever you have done for me.Thank you for being there all this while.Remember when I had told you that you are the best thing that had ever happened to me?I still believe in that.Anyway,I guess I should be going now,and though odds are that you will never read this,let me tell you that though today I am far away from you,though I have tried my best to let go of all of the memories which are so dear to me,you will always be there in my heart,somewhere, hidden behind closed doors of innocence and if any day you feel you need me for anything,do not hesitate to call me.For you I wil never be too far away.Take care :-)